I'm home from San Diego, and I'm still processing everything.
Two weeks ago I wrote about heading back for Samantha Skelly's Women & Wealth event. Now I get to share everything I brought home.
What actually happened in there
300 badass women, from all over the world.
Sam is eight months pregnant, and she was in her full power. Vulnerable but strong. Soft and grounded. She spoke to us the way she'd speak to her best friends.
And I felt like I completely belonged.
That's rare for me with women. I grew up a bit isolated. I got made fun of in school for being a "nerd." For playing the violin. For being different.
That room felt like every single one of us could be exactly who we are, and be celebrated for it.
What I learned about fear
On day one, Danielle LaPorte talked about negative self-talk. About that feeling of being behind in your own life.
She said part of us is afraid all the time. Perpetually terrified. And the invitation is to meet that part. Because when you meet that part, you meet yourself.
What you push away pushes back, and it gets stronger. Deny the gnarly emotions, and they come back louder and more often.
Fears are mind babies. Why would you reject something you created? Love them all.
Then we were asked: what do you want to let go of? Or better, embrace?
Here's what I wrote:
I'm afraid that wanting more money makes me a bad person.
I'm afraid that I'm not worth investing in.
Two fears, sitting right at the heart of building a business I love.
We were also given four steps for when something triggers us:
1. Acknowledge
2. Pause (breathe)
3. Look for the gift
4. Choose
Step two is the breath. Of course it is.
What I learned about the body
On day two, Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap, said something I'll carry with me into every session:
Grief lives in the lungs. People stop breathing because it's painful.
Anger, fear and sadness all have physical places in the body. Anger often sits between the shoulder blades and at the back of the neck.
Enlightenment comes through the body.
This is why breathwork isn't just about relaxing. It's about coming back to presence and noticing whatever is actually there. Even the parts we've been holding our breath around.
What I learned about hustle
Jenn Pike, who inspires me every day, spoke about being crystal clear on her boundaries. (I've been part of her Synced community for almost two years now.)
She talked about knowing what brings her joy in business. About not needing to always hustle, and instead taking her time to build something that feels 100% authentic. About showing up authentically in everything we do.
We don't need to hustle and chase all the time. There are different seasons in life.
What I learned about masks
Sam talked about stepping into our highest self. The version of us who has already achieved all of our goals. Who has already made it.
She's already here, right now. We just have to step into our lives as her. Not just in business, but in every part of our lives.
Energy has no walls. How we show up as a wife, a mother, a friend, is also how we show up as an entrepreneur.
So there's no need to put on a mask for every role. When I give myself permission to be fully, authentically me, there's no added stress to perform.
Because I love who I am. And I know I can show up exactly as I am.
What I learned about harmony
Kate Northrup made the musician in me sit up.
She said patriarchy or matriarchy, both are still a hierarchy. What we need is harmony.
The perfect fifth.
When two notes a perfect fifth apart are played together, their sound waves sync up. They line up, reinforce each other, and the whole thing rings. Every violinist knows that sound. It's how we tune our strings.
Then she talked about attuning our energy around abundance and wealth. (You can imagine how much that word landed with me. My practice is called Attuned, after all.)
She used the image of tuning an instrument. No musician gets mad at their instrument for going out of tune. We simply turn the peg and keep on playing.
The same is true with money. We get mad at ourselves when our relationship with money doesn't feel right. But often, it just needs a small adjustment.
The letter
We did breathwork every day. After the last session, there was a journaling period that invited us to step into that highest self and write from her.
Here's what I wrote.
Nov. 6, 2027
Dear me,
A year ago you were sitting at Women and Wealth in San Diego.
You were unsure about what to do. You felt unsafe to allow your deepest desires to be expressed.
But you knew what you wanted. You were scared to admit to yourself that you wanted more.
More freedom.
More love.
More money.
More purpose.
More support.
More dreams.
More time.
More heartache.
More challenges.
Becoming a mother was hard.
You are an amazing mother.
The grief of the bankruptcy broke you.
Here you are anyway.
Anything you've ever set your mind to do, you've achieved.
Juilliard.
An amazing (and hot) husband.
Beautiful daughters you love with all your heart.
So why did you ever doubt you could build a business?
You can do anything.
You are limitless.
You are pure potential.
You are a millionaire.
So here you are.
Successful.
Abundant.
Free.
Keep going, you've got this.
I love you so much,
Bennie ❤️
The biggest takeaway
This was the ultimate women's empowerment trip. It was inspiring and so real, all at once. It felt like a celebration. It also felt like permission. Permission to live out my best, most authentic, most audacious life.
But here's the thing about permission: no one else can give it to you.
So I'm inviting you to give it to yourself. Right now, as you read this.
Take a breath. A slow, full one, all the way down to your belly.
And as you let it go, tell yourself: I have permission.
Permission to want more. Permission to take up space. Permission to show up exactly as you are.
You don't need to wait for anyone else to say yes.
And here's what I'm bringing home: women are strong, but we tend to want to do everything ourselves. You can't create wealth alone. It's all in the relationships. When we support each other and build community, we become unstoppable.
I built Attuned to be of service. I'm turning my hardest years into my purpose: the orchestra bankruptcy, the pressure every musician is expected to carry in silence, and the fire of becoming a mother through postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Those are the things I struggled with. Now they're the things I get to help others through.
You don't have to carry it alone
If you've been holding everything by yourself for a while, this is your sign to make some space for you.
A 1:1 Attunement Session package is a beautiful place to start. Three or six 60-minute sessions with me on Zoom, at your own pace. Your sessions never expire.
And because community is what makes us unstoppable: when you purchase any package before the end of November, I'll gift you a free month of Tune In, our Sunday morning group breathwork on Zoom. Here's how it works: I'll add you to Tune In myself, and your free month starts the Sunday after your first 1:1. Your Zoom link will land in your inbox every Sunday at 9am. No code needed, nothing else to do.
With love,
Bénédicte