Diving Deeper: Headed to San Diego

What I'm Bringing to San Diego (And What I Hope to Leave There)

In three weeks, I'm getting on a plane to San Diego.

I'll spend three full days in an immersive breathwork and energetics deep dive led by Samantha Skelly, the founder of Pause Breathwork, the modality that quite literally changed my life. The same woman whose free masterclass made me weep in the best possible way almost a year ago. The woman whose work I am now training in so I can share it with others.

I am thrilled and truly ready, even if I don’t yet know what will unfold. I trust in this process. I think that's worth talking about.

What I'm bringing with me

I wish I could tell you that by the time you're training to become a breathwork facilitator, you've got it all figured out. That you've processed your stuff, released your baggage, and arrived at some peaceful, regulated shore where everything makes sense.

That would be a lie.

The truth is, I'm bringing a lot with me to San Diego, and not just because I tend to overpack my suitcase!

I'm bringing grief. The kind that comes from watching something you built your entire identity around (your sense of self, your career) collapse overnight. The bankruptcy email that arrived the same day we finished packing our Quebec house is still in my body somewhere. I know this because breathwork has taught me that the body doesn't forget. It keeps score, until you're finally ready to let go.

I'm bringing an identity that is still, honestly, a work in progress. I have been a violinist since I was five years old. For over three decades, that word, violinist, was the answer to "who are you?" Becoming a mother added another layer. Stepping into this new chapter as a breathwork facilitator adds another. I am learning, slowly, that I am allowed to be all of these things at once, and that identity is a fluid concept, constantly changing, evolving, never final.

I'm bringing the fear of being seen. There is something deeply vulnerable about stepping out from behind the violin, an instrument that has always been both my voice and, in some ways, my shield, and saying: 

“Here I am, this is my story, and I want to help you with yours.”

Some days I feel completely ready. Other days, imposter syndrome pulls up a chair and makes itself very comfortable.

And I'm bringing the remnants of more than a decade of stored stress. The high-functioning anxiety I wore like a second skin for so long. The elastic band that stretched and stretched until it finally snapped. I have done so much work. And there is still more to do. That's not a failure, that's just being human.

What I hope to leave there

All of it. I am ready to be cracked wide open.

Not naively. I know that healing isn't a destination you arrive at and then you're done. But I believe, deeply, that this experience is going to move something in me that is ready to be moved. Three days of immersive breathwork with the woman who founded this practice, surrounded by other facilitators on the same path, feels like exactly the kind of container that makes profound shifts possible.

I hope to leave behind the last of the self-doubt that whispers who are you to do this? I hope to leave behind the fear of fully stepping into this new chapter. I hope to leave behind the need to have everything perfectly figured out before I begin. And I hope to leave behind whatever my body has been quietly holding onto since that email landed in my inbox on moving day. Just by putting all of this here, the work has already begun, a small drop that will create a ripple effect.

Why I'm telling you this

Because I think we need to see each other more honestly.

We live in a world of highlight reels and polished presentations, where the people offering help are supposed to have already arrived. But I believe the most powerful thing I can offer you is not perfection, it's the willingness to keep going, to keep breathing, to keep doing the work even when it's uncomfortable. Especially then.

I'm going to San Diego as a student. As someone still in the middle of her own becoming. And I know I'll come back as a more embodied, more grounded, more fully present version of myself, which also means I'll come back as a better facilitator for you.

I can't wait to share what unfolds.

If you're curious about what breathwork could move in you, I still have free 1:1 sessions available as part of my certification practicum. There is no better time than now to experience it for yourself.

Book your free session here.